Fall Chills

Fall… You arrive so quickly.

So briskly, with your chill.

It’s like you creep in, during the night, without letting me say goodbye to my dear, sweet summer.

I don’t ever wish for summer to end, yet when you arrive, I am grateful.

Though, you sure do not ease yourself in, with your brisk nights and sharply chilly mornings.

The colors you bring are so beautiful.

Your chill really is, at times, close to miserable, yet, I forgive you, for the beauty that your bring with you is.. well… it makes it all worthwhile.

What a charmer you are, as you warm us up with the sight of your colors.

None are the same, each different shades and each so beautiful on their own, but especially together.

Fall, I guess you can stay for a while…

Until winter blows in and takes over…

Maybe, just maybe, next year, I may hope for your smile of leaves so brightly colored; red, orange and yellow.

Thank you for showing me the swift kiss of a breeze and a soft hug of the falling leaves.

Goodness, you sure do give me the chills…


– M.

Lost in the World

Distractions, bosses, teachers, parents, friends, family… So many people telling us what to do, where to go, who to be with, how to live our lives. When did it become so hard to live your life on your own terms? Why must we be so swayed by what others think is best for our life?

As a child, we have parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and teachers (plus many more influences) who are like guides for us. We learn from them. We observe them. We listen to them (or we rebel). These people influence us in how we think, feel and react. We are dependent on them to teach us about the world.

When we become adults, we continue to have more influences, yet what we soaked in as children is very deeply rooted. It makes a difference in the choices we make and the experiences we choose to have. Though, we tend to start seeing things differently. As we are not so sheltered, we are free to make more freewill decisions, sometimes landing us into situations that our protectors were trying to help us avoid. Yet, human nature is to explore and learn by experiencing.

How do you feel, as you are reading this? Do you feel depleted in how you are currently living your life? Do you feel you need to understand more, see more or just be in different circumstances?

What we are not always taught, is that we can change. We can redirect our life and the direction its going in.

We are never stuck, unless we believe that we are.

The mind is a powerful thing. We think things into reality. You believe you are incapable, then you will be incapable. You believe you are capable and you will be.

Living in a world where everyone wants to push you this way or that, telling you who you should be, where you should be and how you should think, feel and live, causes a mess in the mind. Social media is telling you that you are not happy enough. Society is telling you that you’re not doing enough. Advertisements tell you that you don’t have enough. It is all false. You are capable of doing whatever you want to do. You don’t need more. You don’t need to do anything that doesn’t feel right to you.

We have so many distractions. So much is keeping us away from the peaceful minds that we deserve to have. We were born into this world, into nature, lost and in need of care. We needed nurturing, guidance and love. Life is simple.

We are complex and we create more of the extra clutter that is not necessary. We need peace. Time away from distractions. Our spirits need peace.

The mind is full of depth. Once we learn to let go of all the outward influences, we can understand the importance of letting go more, so we can, once again, find ourselves.

How long can we go on like this? Constantly on our phones, always available and in communication, with so many. There was a time when we could sit and not need so many distractions. It seems we have all become lost with all of it. Needing to know so much, and intake so much information.

Maybe we are really just cutting ourselves off from our true connection, with ourselves. When we disconnect and seek less distractions, we can open ourselves up to so much more of who we are, what is right for us. This also allows us to see who and what is right for our lives. We find that we have been lost in all the buzz and its been taking us away from the true direction we seek to go.

The lost can always be found. The truth can always be heard. The depths of your heart are always going to be crying out for you to listen. What you want is important. How you feel matters. You are enough. Now, time to find time for YOU.

– M.

Thoughts and Thinking

It is 2021 and we are constantly bogged down by newsfeeds, work, bills, all of life’s many distractions, plus so many other things. Our brains are overstimulated and misdirected, all day long. How do you know how to choose what to focus on when it feels like a waterfall of information is coming at you, in a steady, heavy pace? Niagara falls stops for no-one, nor do our thoughts. It is a continuous movement of energy that we don’t know what to do with. So we feed into it. We allow the thoughts to control us.

Thoughts controlling a strong human being? That doesn’t seem right, does it?

Adjustments need to be made. thought patterns need to change. This Niagara falls will stop and change direction for anyone who sees their ability to change this unnecessary habit, or it will take them under and drown them, over and over again. Yes, thought patterns are a habit. Thinking in a certain way is a learned habit. Overtime, we fall into cycles. Our brain catches on and replays it like a broken record. Habits are how our brain takes stress away, by creating an easy autopilot for us. Yet, not all of these habits are good for us. They can be damaging for us and mess with how we need to be able to grow and change.

Take, for example, anxiety; fearing what is not here yet, or may never be. This could be good for some things. It is great to try to be prepared for some things, like saving money for upcoming bills. It was also good for when we used to live in the wild. Though, if we continue to get stuck in its undercurrents, we can be stuck, in that mental fetal position (our mind’s prison) all day, everyday, for the rest of our lives, unless we make a change in the patterns of thoughts we allow ourselves to continuously focus on.

Force the change. You can do it!

If you want some help with this, there are many ways to get out of your bad habit thought patterns. This is where meditation, exercise, creating art, and critical thinking all come into play.

Meditation helps you focus on seeing your thoughts pass by without giving too much attention to them. You just acknowledge them and let them go. Or you can focus on your breath, an object, a sound, or listen to a guided meditation that is directing your focus away from your thoughts (for the most part). This creates a more peaceful mind. An easier mental flow and it even reduces stress and pressure off of your heart. I’d say that’s a pretty good reason to give it a try.

Meditation thinking example: “I hear water flowing, oh wait, I need to go to the grocery store, oh wait, I am meditating… This water flowing music is really nice… shoot, I’m not supposed to be thinking about anything. Okay, starting now… Hmm, I wonder if I could get away with buying some cookies, oh shoot, just listen to the water… okay… ohhh, so peaceful…” Thoughts come and go, but you just redirect your focus to whatever meditation you are doing. It is normal and natural to do this. Even after years of meditation, I still do this, getting distracted by thoughts. We just, eventually, learn to let go and go with the flow.

We are not supposed to be perfect. Practice and being easy on yourself is how you become better at many things, meditation included.

Exercise gets your body moving, sends brain waves to better places, helps you work through thoughts and process new ones (and old ones), while giving you a happy boost. We are supposed to be moving all day. So when we don’t move enough, we automatically fall into dark thinking territories, more easily. This is how depression really plants itself into us and tries to bring us down from a better, more emotionally stable place of thinking and feeling. If you practice finding ways to move more will help you change your thought patterns, too.

When sitting, you can move your upper body, doing twists. If at a standing desk (I just turned my desk into a standing desk, so much better!), or cooking, move your legs, march in place, do squats. Get creative with it. Try going outside and walking, as often as your schedule allows. Run, lift weights, do things to help yourself become physically stronger, so you can also become more mentally stronger.

Creating art is a wonderful way to create better thought patterns. There is even something called art therapy, which is a helpful way to bring new direction to your thoughts, and gives you a self-confidence boost. Then you can see that you are capable of more than you knew.

Not everyone is artistic, but even writing is a form of art. Write down your thoughts, your day, plans, dreams… Write a gratitude list. Doodling, painting, building something, there are so many forms of creating art. Way back when… before there were machines, we made everything that we needed or wanted. Taking ourselves away from this creates a feeling of uselessness and a lack of using our creative minds. We are smart, ingenuitive, resourceful and we can change our thought patterns when we allow ourselves to see how smart and creative we are! “Oh yes, this rock can be useful for so many things; a hammer, an herb grinder, a wrist rest for my hand while I use my computer mouse.” True story, I have a heart shaped rock that I use as a wrist rest, if I need it. Though, I have not tried to use it for those other two options, but now I know I can!

Don’t be shy, get creative!

Critical thinking is when you take a step back and look at what is going on, with a different mindset. You aren’t judging, you are researching, you are figuring out what, why, how and if it is necessary or important. Are these thoughts useful? Where are they directing you? Are they leading you to danger or are they guiding you to peace and good things. ” I am preparing for the end of the world, so I am going to buy a whole bunch of canned foods, beans and rice, so I can hide away in my dungeon and eat said food, while their is a plethora of available recourses outside, if the world does come to an end. Well, actually, maybe I don’t need canned food. maybe I should use my time on earth to live and experience the present moment. If the world ends, then how could I even eat all of the beans, rice, and canned foods? We would all be gone. Okay, I will put the Chef Boyardee down and walk over towards the produce. My fears will no longer control me, at least not right now.”

By the way, living foods are also very helpful for your brain as well as your mental and emotional health. These bodies are of nature and need nature to thrive. Try eating more whole foods and see how much it changes you, for the better.

You only have one mind. You only have this one life (unless you’re awake and know that you are a soul who is here to learn and grow and experience this and many lives, but we are really just focusing on this one life, at the present moment). You have the potential to make it better, if you allow yourself to find the ways out of your own, self-created, lions dungeon.

Although, sometimes the thoughts aren’t just about danger or fear. They can be self-defeating. We an be extremely hard on ourselves and put ourselves down for no reason. Why? Because we live in 2021.

We think we need to be constantly happy.

We are shown that we need to be perfect.

We believe we need to be comfortable all day and all night. Why be uncomfortable when we have heaters and air conditioning, soft beds, comfort foods, many layers of clothes to protect us from the elements. We weren’t made for comfort. We were made for survival, adaption and growth. We evolve, yet we have evolved into soft, squishy comfortable robots that are controlled by our minds which like to lie to us. Where is this leading us? “Please no,. I don’t want to be a soft, squishy robot anymore!”

Your thoughts guide you, though, you can guide them first. You are a strong human being with a very capable and strong mind. Letting your thoughts lead you and direct you is dangerous territory, unless you are in charge of their focus. Change that Niagara falls flow into something that forces you to wonderous places, not to your drowning death, in a mess of fear, dislike and far away from all of your dreams and aspirations.

Connect to your higher self. Find your smart mind. Learn how to choose your thoughts. This will greatly affect how you live your life and how you view and approach the current world that we live in.

Have a great day and choose your thoughts wisely. – M.















Choices

Each day we make choices. When we wake up, do we hit snooze? What do we eat for breakfast? There are so many things to think about and decide on throughout each and every day, let alone throughout our entire lifetime. How do you make decisions? Nobody really teaches us that. How do you know what you really want?

Lately, I have been really noticing how hard it is for me to make choices, for myself. I want to make other people happy. Though, how does that help my life?

When I say “yes” to something that isn’t right for me, I notice a change in how my body feels. Sometimes my mood switches and I feel a bit irritable and uncomfortable, or just not as calm as I had just before the exchange of words.

Words are more than letters on a screen, though. Words are promises. Words are commitments. Unless you don’t value others, or how you are viewed, then you can say whatever you want and never mean any of it. Which will also make you hard to trust. If you are that type of person, you may not care, a single bit, about if anyone trusts you. I am currently working on building trust, in myself, and in others, This means my words are important to me. My choices and my actions are, as well.

Choices come in many forms. I choose to sit here in this chair, while I feel my back and hips becoming more and more unhappy, with each second I don’t get up and stretch. Though, I have things to say and want to share. I choose to type, while deleting and going back, as my long nails get all the extra keys on my keyboard, because I choose to keep my nails long, since they help my jewelry making, they are pretty useful for getting splinters out after my barefoot walks, plus I love a good scalp scratch. I weigh out the pros and cons, without too much thought, when I make choices. Though, that is not always the case.

When I was freshly 19, I got married. We wrote letters, after meeting, for around 8 months. That is how we dated. He went off to boot camp a few days after we met. Since writing letters isn’t exactly the best way to get to know someone, and I had so much more to learn about myself (and life), it didn’t last long. Although, it showed me how driven I am to do what I want and to make my own choices, to learn to live with the consequences. I see now, how I have learned to be more careful, though still have dated more than I wish to expand on, on here. Now, almost 37 and have not gone down the aisle again, I am making sure the next one, (if there will be one) is the right one.

Life brings many hills, some small, some mountainous. One of my biggest challenges has been learning to trust myself and what I am passionate about. School has seemed like my golden ticket to success, yet, I have gone to many, many, (okay…) many schools, and have not completed any programs or degrees. Oh, a caregiving class. Second attempt. Caregiving was great, for a time. Then I realized I have passions that I am not perusing, that won’t break my back. So back to school, to avoid them some more. Now, here I am, just fresh out of two colleges this year, neither one worked out and I am realizing more about how important choices are.

We feel things. We desire things. We dream about a life that we hope to, one day, have. Yet, we fall into cycles, patterns, black hole-like mindsets that we don’t understand we are in. Trauma gets us. Anxiety grabs us. Fear locks in and we are down for the count. We think we know what we need to do to have a good life, but do we really? Do we really get it? Do we really know ourselves?

For years, I thought that if I found Mr. Right and had a degree that would be it. What about everything else? I have always dreamed of being a writer and a photographer, for a living. If you know me, and know my life history, you know that I have a tendency to start and stop things, and have been in my own cycle of not trusting myself to succeed without crutches. My kids have been my focal point. Now that they are both in high school, I feel the drive, stronger than ever, to find myself so I will be in a good place when they leave me to my empty nest. To me, that means choosing to follow my dreams and move forward with my passions. I want to show them that hard work and dedication can get you to where you want to be.

When I wake up, I am grateful for the day. Before bed, I look forward to the next day. We can choose to see things differently than we have, for most of our lives. We can choose what we do, how we do it and so much more. What I hope you get from reading all of this is that you are in charge of your life. Find a way to look at your life and what you would like to change, if you aren’t happy with the choices you have made, up to this point. There is no better time than now, to start enjoying your life more. I hope you find some beauty in each day. There is always something to be grateful for, when you make the choice to see it. – M.

Love is Life

We are bogged down with dislikes and needs to be liked. What about love? Why is that so complicated and full of so many expectations?

Love is just acceptance.

When you love someone, you accept them, as they are. When you love yourself, it’s the same thing. You accept yourself as you are. There are no complication. There are no expectations. Or at least there shouldn’t be. You love without pressure. Without pull.

Why do we disregard one another, so often? Not taking into account the other person’s feelings or forgetting to have empathy?

A Golden rule, or life practice, is treat others the way you would like to be treated. Can this be more normal? Rather than hating on others, we could practice being more understanding and patient. Taking into account that we each have our own viewpoints. We each have different life experiences and challenges. Sometimes these things can be easy to forget. Yet, it is really important to become more aware, for the fact is, we are each living different lives. A good day for you could be a terrible day for someone else.

With so much new pain and struggle in the world, I hope that others can take on this way of viewing life, seeing that we are all one, living different lives. We are all connected. We are all important. We are all necessary and worthy of love and acceptance. We each deserve peace. Each deserve love and kindness.

Life is pretty simple; wake up, breathe, move, eat and sleep. Let go of what is not allowing peace in your life. Find more ways to also bring more peace and joy to others. This will bring you a great amount of satisfaction and joy, as well. Always live for love.

– M.

Changes

Life rarely stays the same. We move. We change jobs. Our group of friends vary and change over time. Yet, we continue to grow and become closer to the person we are supposed to become for this life. It is hard to see, as we are experiencing it. We think it is scary. We think things should stay the same. Though, what would a field of wildflowers be like if all those buds just stayed as they were? If they stayed just little green buds.

As time moves forward, bigger changes happen. It becomes easier, in some ways, yet it could be more challenging in other ways.

How do we learn to see change as a good thing?

In my experience, watching nature helps. Paying attention to how the birds don’t seem to fear the rainy days. Seeing as flowers die in the colder months. While new ones bloom in the spring. Life is full of changes. We adapt to new ways of being. We learn a new way of moving through life as the surroundings can become much different. We can learn to see change as a positive thing.

Life will never be without shifts. As you grow and learn, you will see. Change is good. Change is beautiful. There is nothing scary about it. As I used to fear change, I have learned to be grateful for it. New beginnings. New experiences. Yet, what was, was necessary for what is now and what is soon to be.

Allow change to be positive, a positive motion in your life experience and see the beauty that surrounds it.

-M.

From Here to Here

This point in time is important. Right here, right now. We look and search for ways to know about the future. We hold onto things, take pictures, and try to hold onto the past (and anything that takes us back there). Why is it that we have so much trouble being here, in the present? Why must we feel all this disarray about an unknown tomorrow?

We make plans. We get upset when those plans change, or we can get upset about having any plans at all. What is it about the security of knowing what to expect in the next days, weeks, months, and so on? We can’t even, really, expect to know what will happen a couple minutes from now.

One day, I noticed something. I noticed that my head was constantly full. It was full of worries, doubts, fears, plans, worries of being late to appointments, of being fired, becoming homeless, dying and leaving my kids without me. All of these things cluttered up my headspace for so long. Not even JUST those things. There was more.

Why does any of this matter? Why are we even here? To worry? I don’t think so… To make plans? Probably not… To think about bills, constantly? Yeah, that’s the best one, probably that. We are surely here, on this beautiful planet, so we can spend our time worrying and thinking about bills. What are bills? Choices we made. Decisions we felt were right for us. Each choice we make, whether it is a new bill, a thought, a step forward, we choose these actions or thought motions. What if we chose to lighten things up?

What is it that keeps you swimming in the same spot? Comfort? Fear? Could you possibly get tired of staying in that warm water? Why not choose to feel a different sensation? Maybe change scares you, too much. We tend to hold onto fears that we first experienced in childhood. We re-live experiences in our mind, a lot. It can certainly make a person have trouble with moving out of their comfort zone. Yet, that is the only way to allow ourselves to become more open to so much more beauty in life. We forget how invigorating it can be to feel that fresh, cool water.

When you focus more on the present moment, lessen your need to control the future or hold onto the past, you can experience a release of fear. When you realize that you are allowing peace, by letting go of the constant mental clutter, you allow joy to fill you up. Space is never empty. It is full of energy. You choose the energy that fills your space. If it is going to be beneficial, it should make you feel like you are being challenged (in a healthy way) or it should be an elated feeling, that comes from it. You can also experience the sensation of “nothingness”. Which is literally this feeling like nothing. You feel light, like you could be lifted up by how air-headed you feel, because you have let everything leave your mind!

Close your eyes, or focus your eyes on something. Breathe in through your nose, then out through your mouth. When you bring yourself into the moment like that, you let go of a whole lot of extra mental weight that you do not need. All we ever really have is this present moment. From here, to here, and then to here. It is all the present moment. Remember what is important, what is not helping you, and what is a constant. You can weed-whack on your own, to rid yourself of all the mental seaweed that is plugging up your mental flow. All we can do is be right here, growing, learning, loving and experiencing this beautiful life. Hopefully you (and I) can learn to let go more, to allow the here and now to be more abundant and more pleasant. May the peace of nothingness be with you.

Thank you for being here.

-M.

Running Away

With the waves chasing me, I ran away from you.

Hoping you would try to chase me, I kept looking back at you.

Laughing at myself, and not knowing what you would do, I took off my boots and ran barefoot, in the grainy, dry sand.

Hoping you would see how much the waves wanted to catch me, I ran closer to the waters edge, to show you I was not worth losing.

I continued on this quest, seeking your love and adoration.

The foam caught my toes, it was soft, cold and wet compared to all the grainy, dry sand.

You were not interested in being a chaser, as you continued on, focusing only on what was in front of you.

I saw you looking the other way.

Wandering slowly in the other direction, your attention focused on your own path.

Not sure what to make of it, I let the daunting pull of the waves take me further and further away.

You sometimes glimpsed at me, but only before the waves captured me, and not with much interest, only a slight curiosity like a parent keeping track of a child.

The waves pulled me under.

You didn’t even notice.

You kept walking, at a pace that was steadily, taking you further and further away.

Not even my flirtation with death made you hurry along, to be closer to me.

Maybe there is no hope of you chasing me, after-all.

Or maybe, I should be walking slowly and steadily, in the opposite direction, knowing that I don’t need you, after-all.

Hearing the waves crashing, I knew the answer, and it was not to follow you.

It was not to follow anyone at all.

It was time to find peace, with my own solitude.

Out of the waves, onto the beach, I walked, I walked away from you, further and further away.

With the waves still chasing me, I focused on my own path, knowing the love I was seeking could be found within me.

Knowing this, I smiled, to myself, feeling the peace, in this knowing, drenched from the waves, feet covered in sand, I knew I was complete.

– M.

Future Self, What Can I Expect?

Sometimes I think I should find a way to talk to my future self. It’s too bad time travel doesn’t really exist. I would have trouble staying in the present time. It is just so much more exciting to think and dream about the future. What is the hear and now, aside from pain and challenges?

Is it hard for you to get out of bed? As I get older, I find it to be more of a struggle. My body hurts, in all the “getting old” body places. Early signs of arthritis are keeping me aware of most of my joints. You know how they say that you, at some point, just age overnight?” I think that happens in your mid-thirties, with intensity. Gravity also just shows up. Followed by many groupings of grey hairs and some skin creases. It seems like everything cracks and aches. They should probable allow retirement to be lowered to the age of 40. Though, with all of that, life is still beautiful. It is worth getting out of bed each morning, to discover new things to appreciate about this life.

Life is not something to complain about. We grow so much, throughout our life. We get to have many life experiences that are very beautiful. Sometimes we get a chance to have some really amazing experiences, that leave us feeling the happiness days later, or when we think back to that day or moment. We can have a day full of so much good, then we can have days filled with one headache after another.

What would it look like if we only had good days? Is that really something to wish for? I have learned that we need the tough days. Those challenges keep us growing. Sometimes they really help us learn what we need to work on inside of ourselves.

If I were to talk to my future self, maybe I might not want to know what I have to look forward to. Maybe I would want to stay in the dark about challenges and roadblocks. If we know what’s coming then we can’t practice going with the flow. We can’t experience the blood rushing panic or the elated joyfulness, quite as much. The blood rushing panic may sound unsatisfactory, but it is part of life. Being elated and joyful are just as important to experience.

The knowing can be great, but the unknowing can be greater. Just as we are in this age of needing to be constantly busy, we should also remember to appreciate the present moment, without needing to be distracted. When you are constantly distracted, you forget the your current self needs to be acknowledged more. Find your breath and follow it. The flow comes much easier when you can be in the present. You future self would tell you the same thing. Be here, and know that tomorrow will bring no more than you are capable of handling. Tomorrow will bring something else, that today cannot. Today will always be the best place to be, no matter where you are. Practice letting go of fear or expectations of tomorrow. Today and tomorrow will have plenty enough to fill up your time.

Be here. Be grateful. Or be ungrateful. Just be you, in the present moment.

-M.

The Guided Life

We are never really certain where we are supposed to guide our feet. So many pulls, in so many directions, usually has us falling this way and that. Yet, once we can really look at our feet and the path we are on, we can decide which terrain will be best.

Nobody can walk our path, but us. Where we go is up to us. We can take advice. We can accept direction and guidance. In the end, it is all up to us.

Have you ever seen a squirrel stopped, confused with which way to turn? Not a typical site. How many times have you felt that way, though? At a crossroads. At a bridge. In the middle of a great divide. How do you choose?

We can find our way, just like nature guides the seasons and guides the animals. We are also guided. We are guided by our thoughts. Our body guides us with how it feels in certain situations. We have intuition. In order to allow it to guide us, we must learn to trust.

Trust yourself. You will always know what is best for you.

– M.