Choices

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Each day we make choices. When we wake up, do we hit snooze? What do we eat for breakfast? There are so many things to think about and decide on throughout each and every day, let alone throughout our entire lifetime. How do you make decisions? Nobody really teaches us that. How do you know what you really want?

Lately, I have been really noticing how hard it is for me to make choices, for myself. I want to make other people happy. Though, how does that help my life?

When I say “yes” to something that isn’t right for me, I notice a change in how my body feels. Sometimes my mood switches and I feel a bit irritable and uncomfortable, or just not as calm as I had just before the exchange of words.

Words are more than letters on a screen, though. Words are promises. Words are commitments. Unless you don’t value others, or how you are viewed, then you can say whatever you want and never mean any of it. Which will also make you hard to trust. If you are that type of person, you may not care, a single bit, about if anyone trusts you. I am currently working on building trust, in myself, and in others, This means my words are important to me. My choices and my actions are, as well.

Choices come in many forms. I choose to sit here in this chair, while I feel my back and hips becoming more and more unhappy, with each second I don’t get up and stretch. Though, I have things to say and want to share. I choose to type, while deleting and going back, as my long nails get all the extra keys on my keyboard, because I choose to keep my nails long, since they help my jewelry making, they are pretty useful for getting splinters out after my barefoot walks, plus I love a good scalp scratch. I weigh out the pros and cons, without too much thought, when I make choices. Though, that is not always the case.

When I was freshly 19, I got married. We wrote letters, after meeting, for around 8 months. That is how we dated. He went off to boot camp a few days after we met. Since writing letters isn’t exactly the best way to get to know someone, and I had so much more to learn about myself (and life), it didn’t last long. Although, it showed me how driven I am to do what I want and to make my own choices, to learn to live with the consequences. I see now, how I have learned to be more careful, though still have dated more than I wish to expand on, on here. Now, almost 37 and have not gone down the aisle again, I am making sure the next one, (if there will be one) is the right one.

Life brings many hills, some small, some mountainous. One of my biggest challenges has been learning to trust myself and what I am passionate about. School has seemed like my golden ticket to success, yet, I have gone to many, many, (okay…) many schools, and have not completed any programs or degrees. Oh, a caregiving class. Second attempt. Caregiving was great, for a time. Then I realized I have passions that I am not perusing, that won’t break my back. So back to school, to avoid them some more. Now, here I am, just fresh out of two colleges this year, neither one worked out and I am realizing more about how important choices are.

We feel things. We desire things. We dream about a life that we hope to, one day, have. Yet, we fall into cycles, patterns, black hole-like mindsets that we don’t understand we are in. Trauma gets us. Anxiety grabs us. Fear locks in and we are down for the count. We think we know what we need to do to have a good life, but do we really? Do we really get it? Do we really know ourselves?

For years, I thought that if I found Mr. Right and had a degree that would be it. What about everything else? I have always dreamed of being a writer and a photographer, for a living. If you know me, and know my life history, you know that I have a tendency to start and stop things, and have been in my own cycle of not trusting myself to succeed without crutches. My kids have been my focal point. Now that they are both in high school, I feel the drive, stronger than ever, to find myself so I will be in a good place when they leave me to my empty nest. To me, that means choosing to follow my dreams and move forward with my passions. I want to show them that hard work and dedication can get you to where you want to be.

When I wake up, I am grateful for the day. Before bed, I look forward to the next day. We can choose to see things differently than we have, for most of our lives. We can choose what we do, how we do it and so much more. What I hope you get from reading all of this is that you are in charge of your life. Find a way to look at your life and what you would like to change, if you aren’t happy with the choices you have made, up to this point. There is no better time than now, to start enjoying your life more. I hope you find some beauty in each day. There is always something to be grateful for, when you make the choice to see it. – M.

Love is Life

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

We are bogged down with dislikes and needs to be liked. What about love? Why is that so complicated and full of so many expectations?

Love is just acceptance.

When you love someone, you accept them, as they are. When you love yourself, it’s the same thing. You accept yourself as you are. There are no complication. There are no expectations. Or at least there shouldn’t be. You love without pressure. Without pull.

Why do we disregard one another, so often? Not taking into account the other person’s feelings or forgetting to have empathy?

A Golden rule, or life practice, is treat others the way you would like to be treated. Can this be more normal? Rather than hating on others, we could practice being more understanding and patient. Taking into account that we each have our own viewpoints. We each have different life experiences and challenges. Sometimes these things can be easy to forget. Yet, it is really important to become more aware, for the fact is, we are each living different lives. A good day for you could be a terrible day for someone else.

With so much new pain and struggle in the world, I hope that others can take on this way of viewing life, seeing that we are all one, living different lives. We are all connected. We are all important. We are all necessary and worthy of love and acceptance. We each deserve peace. Each deserve love and kindness.

Life is pretty simple; wake up, breathe, move, eat and sleep. Let go of what is not allowing peace in your life. Find more ways to also bring more peace and joy to others. This will bring you a great amount of satisfaction and joy, as well. Always live for love.

– M.

From Here to Here

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

This point in time is important. Right here, right now. We look and search for ways to know about the future. We hold onto things, take pictures, and try to hold onto the past (and anything that takes us back there). Why is it that we have so much trouble being here, in the present? Why must we feel all this disarray about an unknown tomorrow?

We make plans. We get upset when those plans change, or we can get upset about having any plans at all. What is it about the security of knowing what to expect in the next days, weeks, months, and so on? We can’t even, really, expect to know what will happen a couple minutes from now.

One day, I noticed something. I noticed that my head was constantly full. It was full of worries, doubts, fears, plans, worries of being late to appointments, of being fired, becoming homeless, dying and leaving my kids without me. All of these things cluttered up my headspace for so long. Not even JUST those things. There was more.

Why does any of this matter? Why are we even here? To worry? I don’t think so… To make plans? Probably not… To think about bills, constantly? Yeah, that’s the best one, probably that. We are surely here, on this beautiful planet, so we can spend our time worrying and thinking about bills. What are bills? Choices we made. Decisions we felt were right for us. Each choice we make, whether it is a new bill, a thought, a step forward, we choose these actions or thought motions. What if we chose to lighten things up?

What is it that keeps you swimming in the same spot? Comfort? Fear? Could you possibly get tired of staying in that warm water? Why not choose to feel a different sensation? Maybe change scares you, too much. We tend to hold onto fears that we first experienced in childhood. We re-live experiences in our mind, a lot. It can certainly make a person have trouble with moving out of their comfort zone. Yet, that is the only way to allow ourselves to become more open to so much more beauty in life. We forget how invigorating it can be to feel that fresh, cool water.

When you focus more on the present moment, lessen your need to control the future or hold onto the past, you can experience a release of fear. When you realize that you are allowing peace, by letting go of the constant mental clutter, you allow joy to fill you up. Space is never empty. It is full of energy. You choose the energy that fills your space. If it is going to be beneficial, it should make you feel like you are being challenged (in a healthy way) or it should be an elated feeling, that comes from it. You can also experience the sensation of “nothingness”. Which is literally this feeling like nothing. You feel light, like you could be lifted up by how air-headed you feel, because you have let everything leave your mind!

Close your eyes, or focus your eyes on something. Breathe in through your nose, then out through your mouth. When you bring yourself into the moment like that, you let go of a whole lot of extra mental weight that you do not need. All we ever really have is this present moment. From here, to here, and then to here. It is all the present moment. Remember what is important, what is not helping you, and what is a constant. You can weed-whack on your own, to rid yourself of all the mental seaweed that is plugging up your mental flow. All we can do is be right here, growing, learning, loving and experiencing this beautiful life. Hopefully you (and I) can learn to let go more, to allow the here and now to be more abundant and more pleasant. May the peace of nothingness be with you.

Thank you for being here.

-M.

Contact Monica Tenneson

Running Away

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

With the waves chasing me, I ran away from you.

Hoping you would try to chase me, I kept looking back at you.

Laughing at myself, and not knowing what you would do, I took off my boots and ran barefoot, in the grainy, dry sand.

Hoping you would see how much the waves wanted to catch me, I ran closer to the waters edge, to show you I was not worth losing.

I continued on this quest, seeking your love and adoration.

The foam caught my toes, it was soft, cold and wet compared to all the grainy, dry sand.

You were not interested in being a chaser, as you continued on, focusing only on what was in front of you.

I saw you looking the other way.

Wandering slowly in the other direction, your attention focused on your own path.

Not sure what to make of it, I let the daunting pull of the waves take me further and further away.

You sometimes glimpsed at me, but only before the waves captured me, and not with much interest, only a slight curiosity like a parent keeping track of a child.

The waves pulled me under.

You didn’t even notice.

You kept walking, at a pace that was steadily, taking you further and further away.

Not even my flirtation with death made you hurry along, to be closer to me.

Maybe there is no hope of you chasing me, after-all.

Or maybe, I should be walking slowly and steadily, in the opposite direction, knowing that I don’t need you, after-all.

Hearing the waves crashing, I knew the answer, and it was not to follow you.

It was not to follow anyone at all.

It was time to find peace, with my own solitude.

Out of the waves, onto the beach, I walked, I walked away from you, further and further away.

With the waves still chasing me, I focused on my own path, knowing the love I was seeking could be found within me.

Knowing this, I smiled, to myself, feeling the peace, in this knowing, drenched from the waves, feet covered in sand, I knew I was complete.

– M.

Contact Monica Tenneson

Future Self, What Can I Expect?

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Sometimes I think I should find a way to talk to my future self. It’s too bad time travel doesn’t really exist. I would have trouble staying in the present time. It is just so much more exciting to think and dream about the future. What is the hear and now, aside from pain and challenges?

Is it hard for you to get out of bed? As I get older, I find it to be more of a struggle. My body hurts, in all the “getting old” body places. Early signs of arthritis are keeping me aware of most of my joints. You know how they say that you, at some point, just age overnight?” I think that happens in your mid-thirties, with intensity. Gravity also just shows up. Followed by many groupings of grey hairs and some skin creases. It seems like everything cracks and aches. They should probable allow retirement to be lowered to the age of 40. Though, with all of that, life is still beautiful. It is worth getting out of bed each morning, to discover new things to appreciate about this life.

Life is not something to complain about. We grow so much, throughout our life. We get to have many life experiences that are very beautiful. Sometimes we get a chance to have some really amazing experiences, that leave us feeling the happiness days later, or when we think back to that day or moment. We can have a day full of so much good, then we can have days filled with one headache after another.

What would it look like if we only had good days? Is that really something to wish for? I have learned that we need the tough days. Those challenges keep us growing. Sometimes they really help us learn what we need to work on inside of ourselves.

If I were to talk to my future self, maybe I might not want to know what I have to look forward to. Maybe I would want to stay in the dark about challenges and roadblocks. If we know what’s coming then we can’t practice going with the flow. We can’t experience the blood rushing panic or the elated joyfulness, quite as much. The blood rushing panic may sound unsatisfactory, but it is part of life. Being elated and joyful are just as important to experience.

The knowing can be great, but the unknowing can be greater. Just as we are in this age of needing to be constantly busy, we should also remember to appreciate the present moment, without needing to be distracted. When you are constantly distracted, you forget the your current self needs to be acknowledged more. Find your breath and follow it. The flow comes much easier when you can be in the present. You future self would tell you the same thing. Be here, and know that tomorrow will bring no more than you are capable of handling. Tomorrow will bring something else, that today cannot. Today will always be the best place to be, no matter where you are. Practice letting go of fear or expectations of tomorrow. Today and tomorrow will have plenty enough to fill up your time.

Be here. Be grateful. Or be ungrateful. Just be you, in the present moment.

-M.

The Guided Life

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We are never really certain where we are supposed to guide our feet. So many pulls, in so many directions, usually has us falling this way and that. Yet, once we can really look at our feet and the path we are on, we can decide which terrain will be best.

Nobody can walk our path, but us. Where we go is up to us. We can take advice. We can accept direction and guidance. In the end, it is all up to us.

Have you ever seen a squirrel stopped, confused with which way to turn? Not a typical site. How many times have you felt that way, though? At a crossroads. At a bridge. In the middle of a great divide. How do you choose?

We can find our way, just like nature guides the seasons and guides the animals. We are also guided. We are guided by our thoughts. Our body guides us with how it feels in certain situations. We have intuition. In order to allow it to guide us, we must learn to trust.

Trust yourself. You will always know what is best for you.

– M.

Welcome

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Thank you for taking the time to check out my page. A lot of effort and heart has gone into it all. I hope you have enjoyed what is on here thus far, and I hope you enjoy what’s to come. I’m looking forward to the growth of this site and the inspiration I can share with others from it. Please take care and I will be talking to you all again, soon.

– M.

Always Thinking Always Love

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

What is love? What is self-love? Why do we put so much value into what others might think about us? Why do we, instead, lower our own self-value to meet others standards of us? Why not allow ourselves to go beyond the limits of the possible standards that we think others are setting for us, and realize that there are no limits? Why can’t we just see our own light? Why can’t we just love ourselves, easily and give ourselves as much grace and kindness as we give others?

< always thinking >

Maybe we should take some baby steps each day and practice being more grateful for being unique.

As I am up late, again, I am thinking about all the things I have been trying to do to make sure I am taking care of my needs. Then the days come, that are busy, and my day gets flipped all around. On those days, it’s important to just be grateful that you know what it is that you value most.

You know what it takes to get back into your self-care routines. You know what you need to do, when a day gets busy, you prioritize. Maybe the bed has to wait to get made. Maybe a meditation has to be in the evening. It’s okay. We do what we need to do. Life goes on. Still, you find your way “back home” to yourself.

You learn more each day, about what you need to be happier. To feel more whole. To be a giver of love, you must be able to fill yourself up as well. To be a human being, you must learn to take time to recharge and care for yourself. As we are taught to “be busy” we must learn to stop and “be still”. Allow silence. Allow space. Allow some time to stop being so busy. 🤍

I hope that whomever reads this can feel filled with love. I hope you can find simple things to do each day that make you feel good about yourself. I hope you find peace. You are worthy of all the good there is in this life.

– M