Falling Apart

Sometimes you have to let yourself fall apart.

Let your soul crack open and fall all over the place.

Let it be.

Don’t try to fix it all.

Don’t try to put yourself back together right away.

Just be cracked apart.

Open like broken skin.

Feelings pulsating like a racing heartbeat.

Exhausted and lost with no idea where you even want to try to step.

Not even sure if you’re ready to move forward with anything at all.

Just be broken and completely fallen apart.

Then little by little, you’ll find all the pieces that you want to keep and put them back together.

You’ll reach out for your missing parts and collect them all, deciding what’s no longer for you, and what is still for you.

And in the slowest, most delicate way, you will piece yourself back together again.

You will be whole.

Not the same as you were.

A better version, without the parts that were holding you down, and holding you back.

Rewrite your story.

Rewrite your life.

Put yourself back together and remember you are perfectly imperfect.

You are your own best project.

You are your own best masterpiece.

Never forget.

And that light at the end of the road will always be waiting for you.

Even if you need to sit in the middle of the road with your arms crossed, your eyebrows furrowed, saying “f*** off you too da*mn bright light, don’t tell me what to do or where to go. I’ll do what I want, when I want to do it.”

We will make our way.

We will walk our path.

Or we will sit.

We will walk when we are ready.

We will do it in our own time, in our own way, when we feel ready.

Now go and be you, and don’t let anyone tell you how to be you or how to live your life, not even me in these poetic ways.

You do you.

And if any of this triggers you, ignore it and block me, and I’ll be okay with that.

You mattter.

You are important.

Your feelings are #1.

With love,
Monica

Fear Experienced

It is not as easy to explore a feeling, unless it is being felt.

The pain and discomfort of fear, is one of the most taunting feelings.

Am I dying…

Will I live another year…

Have all of my past experiences caught up to me and caused a health issue that is incurable…

There are haunting thoughts that don’t make it easy to exist.

To want to live, but want to be gone, yet be fearful of a death that may or not be soon approaching…

Where is the peace, the bliss, the comfort…

A partner, maybe that would help.

Distractions, staying busy, nothing sounds right.

The only way to deal with it is to face it.

Look at it straight on, breathing in, breathing out, saying, “I will be okay. I am okay. It is okay. It will be alright. I am okay.”

There is nothing else to do.

Just wait.

Breathe.

Keep saying that I will be okay, I am okay, it is okay, it is going to be alright, it is alright.

Wait.

Experience it again.

Face it.

Breathe through it.

Don’t distract.

Don’t medicate.

Don’t numb.

Face it.

Live through it.

Sleep.

Wake up to another day.

– M.

Discover

If we wander, may it be for the chance to grow.

If we get lost, may it be for the chance to discover.

If we fall, may it be for the chance to pick ourselves back up.

-M.