Healing Journey

Sending pictures,

Sending texts,

Looking for love,

Looking for validation.

Trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.

Hoping for love.

Looking for acceptance.

What is this life without outside validation.

Here me out.

Here me now.

See me fully.

See me wholly.

I am lost.

I am naked.

I am broken.

I am aching.

Cure me.

Fix me.

Heal me quickly.

The pains of this torture are slowly killing me.

Let me be.

Let me grow.

The only way is for me to be alone.

Find me lost.

Find me sad.

Leave me broken,

Leave me be.

I am healing,

I am picking up the scattered pieces of what’s left of me.

-M.

Remember

Fading

Who’s turn is it, mine or yours.

The colors are running dry, the brightness is fading fast.

Age is growing older, time is ticking by.

Who’s turn is it, mine or yours, is it time yet?

The time is ticking by.

Colors fade, time ticks away, and all we can do is keep on moving with each flow of the motions of life.

Each flow, each motion, each tick tock of the clock brings us closer to the other side.

For each new day, each new lesson, we each get to sit and wait…

We take turns experiencing lessons as we wait and wait for each new day to come and tick tock on by.

There is no time, really.

It is your turn, surely it is not mine.

Every day that passes, I have had experiences that have lasted me days upon days that I cannot even remember my first name.

They call you by your last name, leaving you to wonder who you even are anymore.

Let’s start writing, maybe keep track of things, so we can see where all of this waiting is leading us to.

The days tick on by, a wind blows, a hollow sound goes through one ear hole and out the other.

Is there even anything that comes after this?

Shall we sit here and wait until the last drop of color has faded away and the clock runs out of ticks and tocks?

I surely don’t even know when it was that I last ran through a field without a care.

It would be nice to eat without the fear of there being little left to eat upon the next morrow.

We shall sit and watch as the clock ticks away and the sun fades and makes its way below the horizon, leaving the twilight sky for us to rest upon.

As we lay awake in wonder, we may, oh we may, dream upon the twinkling sky, that we may awaken upon a new day with the brightest of colors.

Oh to heavens we may wish upon that we may awaken to plenty of food, and for all the clocks to have faded away so we may run into the field and pretend we have wings.

A day full of joy, full of wonder and plenty of laughter.

Upon this start I do wish.

Thank you, until we meet again.

– M.

Unknowns

There are many different times in our life when we don’t know what’s to come.

We try so hard to plan, prepare and schedule so we are certain of all that is to come.

This gives us a sense of peace and understanding of what the future holds.

Yet, this just isn’t the natural way of things.

So when things are going on and we feel this eruption of unsettled thoughts, because there are so many unknowns, we must remember that this is normal.

We cannot know what all is to come. We must trust in the unknowns and let them unfold, like blossoms in the spring time.

We must learn to hold onto a sense of peace for the unknown.

To let the unsettling mind lead the way is to have a unraveled sense of security, and we can’t depend on our security to come from always knowing everything all the time.

That is false hope.

Learn how to let go of the need to know.

Hold onto the adventurous way of expecting to never really know what’s to come.

It can be exciting, if you let it. Our judgement and perception is what we can control.

Let it be good. let it be exciting. Life should be an adventure.

-M.

Exist

In a day, so much can happen.

Slow down and listen to the sounds around you.

Shut off your thoughts and just allow the sounds to be your existence.

-M.

Love and Hate

You grew up in a world that was surrounded by confusion.

So many things seemed to be simple.

So many things seemed to be unobtainable.

You grew to think you understood love.

You grew to feel all too familiar with hate.

A mixed bag of things…

Hate vegetables, love video games.

Parents argued, hate your dad.

Love books, hate school.

So easy.

It’s all so normal.

Though, you felt lost and unsure, never really fitting in.

Seemed like life could be pretty easy, once you grew up to be over 18.

Yet, it didn’t get much better, more rules, less freedom.

You thought it might be different.

Thought it could be easier.

You wanted to grow up and be free, yet now you see it isn’t quite so easy.

What happened to all your dreams?

What happened to all those fancy things?

Didn’t you dream about becoming rich?

Didn’t you think it would be like the flip of a switch?

Wake up and you’re an adult, now the world will be yours to take…

Love and hate.

It’s a real battle.

Freedom and fate…

It’s like eating cake.

You don’t really know, until you grow up and find out…

That cake will now make you gain weight.

Now you also have to pay for that cake.

Then you have to run a mile, or two, to burn off that cake.

Being an adult, it’s not quite so easy, you see.

You thought you understood it all.

You thought you could live easily.

You thought life would be so simple.

Now you have to eat your vegetables and video games are a thing of the past.

Love and hate.

Now you know love is better, and hate is a waste of energy.

Being kind is a better use of your time, but it’s also overwhelming…

Being kind can make you seem weak.

Now you have to learn boundaries.

What even are boundaries and why are they a thing…

Let’s not even get into the complicated world of dating.

Men and women.

Men or women.

You really don’t even need any of that anymore.

It is really not an area you would enjoy to explore.

Time is ticking, and skin is wrinkling.

One day maybe there will be time to just exist.

No worries.

No fears.

No bills.

Not even a doctor promised happy pill.

Just a long moment to remember the freedom of being a child, without a worry about love or hate or anything other than… oh wait…

Let’s take a step back – it is not about love and hate.

It’s just about you.

You must accept your fate.

Dream big.

Find time to play.

Balance it all out.

Try not to stay up too late.

Life is what you make it.

Create it.

– M.

Find Validation Within

Validation

How often do you look to outside sources to feel validated?

This is something I have touched on before, but it definitely feels necessary to discuss again, as I observe it so much, within myself and in others around me.

We want to feel good.

We want to feel accepted.

We want to feel as though we are good enough to be liked or sought after, by others.

Though, why do we go to such lengths as to step away from what is true to us in order to gain validation from others?

Do we even know why it is that we are seeking validation or acceptance from others?

It is a natural part of human nature to desire to be liked and to feel accepted. Though, so many go above and beyond the norms to try to get validated.

Now that we have social media and all these different forms of sharing ourselves, it’s a bigger issue than normal, to seek out validation.

Having followers or getting likes, it seems to be the new normal, yet is it really helping us?

Is it really helping you?

If you need to change your appearance to be accepted by someone, let them go.

If you feel the need to be a different way, that is not natural to your true self, in order to fit in with a group, let them go.

If you need to get on a dating site to feel good about yourself, maybe it’s time to do some self-love practice.

If you feel that you need to have surgery to feel accepted or loved by someone, it might be time to really do some deep inner work and healing, and find new people to be around.

Validation, love, acceptance, these things are all connected. Sometimes they can be confused or seen differently than they are.

So much of the time they can be disregarded, ignored, or even thought of as not necessary…

Yet look at our world.

You are special.

You are unique.

You are loved and accepted by so many, and you are exactly how you need to be, for your life purpose.

When you change yourself, you aren’t allowing yourself to be who you are meant to be.

When you change yourself, you aren’t allowing love in.

When you change yourself you are saying you are not good enough.

There are good changes that we can make.

Facing fears.

Healing from eating disorders.

Learning how to take better care of yourself and of others.

Some changes are necessary and helpful, but there are so many that can cause harm and pull you further away from what is actually really good for you.

Do you look at yourself in the mirror and feel happy?

Do you hear your voice on a voicemail or recording and feel uncomfortable with what you hear?

Do you know your worth, aside from financial gain?

Who are you, behind that mask of flesh and bones?

Who is the YOU deep inside, that inner being?

Do you feel worthwhile?

How do you treat yourself?

How do you show yourself love?

…feel this.

Take a minutes and breathe.

Breathe in through your nose.

Down to your belly.

Let your belly expand.

Let it out through your mouth.

REPEAT.

And again.

Now again.

However many times you feel you need to.

Get centered.

YOU

ARE

ENOUGH

everything in your life is for you.

everything is happening for you.

you are safe.

you are loved.

you are valued.

you are accepted.

Now let go of all this self-hate.

Let go of the need to feel or look like everyone else.

Let go of the need to please everyone else.

You are not supposed to do that.

Validation comes from within.

Love comes from within.

You are always accepted.

You are always loved.

You are doing a great job.

It’s time to learn how to love yourself, just as you are, for who you are.

You are perfect.

You are special.

You are unique.

You are loved.

Thank you for being here.

Now take care of yourself and love yourself so you can enjoy this beautiful life with so much more gratitude and peace.

⁃ M.