Promises

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Promises….

Making promises of the future, when you don’t even want her in the present.

Creating plans for vacations, when you won’t even settle for a simple dinner tab.

Saying things on repeat, that just hurt her and make her feel so small.

Not good enough,
Not enough…

How dare you just play that game of push and pull when you know she is hurting so deeply already…

You care about her feelings?
You care about her emotions?

Then why did you touch her?

Why did you pull her down from that shelf she was resting on?

If only to test her out….
If only to try and get a taste…
If only to prove you still had it…

Let her go.
You did enough.

She is not for you.

She is a porcelain doll and porcelain is not meant for your kind…

The ones who open up the package and don’t put them away…

The ones who want to sit around and make empty promises…

Leaving her feeling all sorts of confusion, just making her run away.

How dare you,
Playing the fools game.

Feels very familiar.

Thank goodness she knew better.

⁃ M.

The Sound of the Storm

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

The Sound of The Storm

On the harder days, I remember this day.

It reminds me of what I have gotten through.

Feeling the storms of my emotions, while getting my picture taken, not knowing what would come after.

Already working on dealing with so much trauma, and trying to survive, trying to keep my kids safe, though, it felt like there was danger coming.

Feelings erupting inside of me.

Feeling in a place of uncertainty, just as we tend to be, when in the middle of a storm.

After this shoot, I went for my daily walk and found my daughter was missing.

She was not where she was supposed to be, and when she knew I knew, she made it so I couldn’t call or text her.

It was a long weekend, trying to find her and get her home.

These are not stories I typically share on here, due to not wanting to over share, but sometimes I just need to release, for the healing, and to maybe help someone else.

Twenty six hours of not knowing where my daughter was, or if she would come home.

Twenty six hours of being in panic for her life and her wellbeing.

She finally returned home, and she was safe.

One more scar on my heart.

One more memory to remember how much I love her.

One more reason to show her more sensitivity and compassion.

This shoot really ended up representing more than Marina Shipova or I could have even imagined.

Life is always full of uncertainty.

We just have to muster the courage to keep going.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

One moment at a time.

Find your peace.

Find your balance.

Find your strength.

You are capable of more than you know.

❤️‍🩹

.

.

.

strength #storm #parenting #life #stormsoflife #teens #love #herenow #itwillbeokay #youaresafe #modeling #magazine #photoshoot #lifeisprecious #youareatrongerthanyouthink

Darkness Tried to End this Life

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Memories come up from times when life felt so close to the edge.

Life seemed like something so close to the end.

A mind so cluttered, so filled with fear.

A body so riddled with substances and unbalanced from the chase of night and day.

Thoughts fading away, worries taking over, friends with two faces taking up too much space.

There were times of silence towards the ones who were closest.

There were moments of sadness that lasted for days.

Yet, beyond the darkness, through the silence, there still seemed to be some light.

Falling away…

Falling under…

Never too deep, but just deep enough.

Finally one day, tired of suffering…

A reach up, a crawl, a walk and a run, back to life.

Back to peace.

Yet, never truly to feel without the darkness.

A darkness that had the deep calls for the ending.

Though, the darkness is not meant to call upon us all.

Some must just taste it, to see why we must turn away.

Back to the light.

In the light we must stay, but never to forget the bite of darkness that will never fully go away.

  • M.

Trust Yourself

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Everyday we face challenges.

Everyday we are shown that we must choose.

Distractions or facing the truth.

You know what you need to do in order to be okay.

Trust yourself.

  • M.

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

💜

Sometimes we have to skip meals to save money. 

Sometimes we have to sell our clothes to pay the bills. 

Sometimes some of the help runs out, but all of this leads us to a new chapter, a new challenge to overcome and a new way of thinking needs to take over. 

Things don’t happen to you, they happen for  you. 

Be strong in your self-love and listen to the guidance of your intuition. 

Everything is going to be okay. 

💜

  • M. 

Focus

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Where is your focus?

Writing in my journal, responding to text messages, going over conversations from recent exchanges, I notice certain things I’d like to start paying more attention to. One thing is the stories I keep retelling, and how I communicate, in general.

A perspective, a point of view, an opinion… Each one very important, yet also, at times, not fully thought through, in a way to convey clearly, or fully, or maybe even appropriately.

We put so much energy into things. Yet, are these things that are worthwhile of so much of our energy? Are we really being true to ourselves or are we saying things we think other people may expect for us to say or want us to say?

What is it that we are seeking out of life? And how to our words and thoughts reflect those goals?

Where does our focus direct us?

Just some thoughts to ponder on…

🖌️

-M.

Healing Journey

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Sending pictures,

Sending texts,

Looking for love,

Looking for validation.

Trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.

Hoping for love.

Looking for acceptance.

What is this life without outside validation.

Here me out.

Here me now.

See me fully.

See me wholly.

I am lost.

I am naked.

I am broken.

I am aching.

Cure me.

Fix me.

Heal me quickly.

The pains of this torture are slowly killing me.

Let me be.

Let me grow.

The only way is for me to be alone.

Find me lost.

Find me sad.

Leave me broken,

Leave me be.

I am healing,

I am picking up the scattered pieces of what’s left of me.

-M.

Life is Balance

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW
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Life is Balance

Support Big Dreamers

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW
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Support Big Dreamers

My Journey

Posted on by Healing Creations PNW

Today I may be exhausted, my eyes may have heavy bags, my adrenals might feel like cement blocks….

I have been pushing so hard.

Tutoring hours, multiples times a day, walking miles, upon miles each day, being there for my inner world needs, and my outer world needs, and for others…

This is my story.

This is my path.

As my kids tell me they love me and appreciate who I am and what I have done for them, and they see how I’ve pulled myself up from toxic relationships and many years of partying that could have resulted in my life ending…

Trying and trying to find my purpose in this life…

It is times like this that I must remind myself that I am strong.

I am capable.

Some might look at me and see my lack, or they might see me better than I see myself.

It doesn’t matter.

I am still learning to see myself through the lens of love, with taking massive steps in self-improvements and making sure I am taking time to nurture my soul.

With each breath I hope to share love and light.

With each action I hope to be kind and give gratitude for this life and the experiences within it.

With every use of my voice, I hope to express good and positive things about myself and others.

Thank you for seeing me.

Thank you for reading this and taking in all that I am and have been.

My heart is full.

This life is beyond beautiful.

💙

– M.