A place where healing and creativity meet. Just as the mountains meet the sea, in the Pacific Northwest (PNW). Live simply. Love deeply. Be present.
The only way to heal is to feel…
-////-
Avoidance causes more suffering.
Numbing just makes it take longer to heal.
Feel the pain.
Experience the emotions.
You came here to heal, to grow and to feel.
Yet the human has created so much distraction.
So many creams.
So many quick fixes.
But the only way to heal is to feel.
You’ve got to feel it to heal it.
Move through the emotions.
Move through the pain.
See the lessons.
See the guidance.
It is all here to teach you.
-M.
❤️🩹
Walking into life with new perspectives…
Sometimes we wonder why we are unhappy with ourselves.
So we look back over the years to see what’s created this.
We see our friendships and relationships, or the choices we have made.
We start looking over how some people have treated us, and how we have allowed a lot of unkindness to step over the doorstep of our soul’s experience, and right into our circle of peace.
People will show you who they are.
They will literally tell you.
Sometimes in words, but other times with their actions.
It can takes years to really see who they really were.
It can also take years to see your own self.
Learning to have more kind friendships takes a lot of self-love.
It takes determination and commitment to self.
Learning that you deserve to be around people who lift you up, rather than put you down, seems like it is common sense.
Yet, sometimes we don’t realize these people are putting us down, until we take time away from everyone so we can look back and process over it all.
Looking over what people have said to us, how we feel when we are around them, and the choices we make when we are with them, are all key signs to pay attention to.
Having been through many layers of my own healing, I am really starting to learn how I FEEL matters.
Listening to my body, to my energy, to my spirit with so many different aspects of life, is beginning to make more and more sense for so many different reasons.
How do you feel when you are alone?
How do you feel in nature?
How do you feel around certain people?
Listen.
Pay attention.
It is all communicating with you.
💜
Her face is changing.
Her skin is different.
Her body is not quite the same as it once was.
She doesn’t know how she feels about it.
Weeks go by and her skin is looser.
Months go by and her smile is changed.
Remembering back to when she was younger and thinking, “if only I could have valued myself more, if only I could have treated myself better.”
Time goes on with each click of the second hand.
The sun sets and rises, and she continues to find her way.
Still learning, still growing, yet now looking a little different and feeling a bit more further away from who she once was, yet still always the same.
Promises….
Making promises of the future, when you don’t even want her in the present.
Creating plans for vacations, when you won’t even settle for a simple dinner tab.
Saying things on repeat, that just hurt her and make her feel so small.
Not good enough,
Not enough…
How dare you just play that game of push and pull when you know she is hurting so deeply already…
You care about her feelings?
You care about her emotions?
Then why did you touch her?
Why did you pull her down from that shelf she was resting on?
If only to test her out….
If only to try and get a taste…
If only to prove you still had it…
Let her go.
You did enough.
She is not for you.
She is a porcelain doll and porcelain is not meant for your kind…
The ones who open up the package and don’t put them away…
The ones who want to sit around and make empty promises…
Leaving her feeling all sorts of confusion, just making her run away.
How dare you,
Playing the fools game.
Feels very familiar.
Thank goodness she knew better.
⁃ M.
The Sound of The Storm
On the harder days, I remember this day.
It reminds me of what I have gotten through.
Feeling the storms of my emotions, while getting my picture taken, not knowing what would come after.
Already working on dealing with so much trauma, and trying to survive, trying to keep my kids safe, though, it felt like there was danger coming.
Feelings erupting inside of me.
Feeling in a place of uncertainty, just as we tend to be, when in the middle of a storm.
After this shoot, I went for my daily walk and found my daughter was missing.
She was not where she was supposed to be, and when she knew I knew, she made it so I couldn’t call or text her.
It was a long weekend, trying to find her and get her home.
These are not stories I typically share on here, due to not wanting to over share, but sometimes I just need to release, for the healing, and to maybe help someone else.
Twenty six hours of not knowing where my daughter was, or if she would come home.
Twenty six hours of being in panic for her life and her wellbeing.
She finally returned home, and she was safe.
One more scar on my heart.
One more memory to remember how much I love her.
One more reason to show her more sensitivity and compassion.
This shoot really ended up representing more than Marina Shipova or I could have even imagined.
Life is always full of uncertainty.
We just have to muster the courage to keep going.
One step at a time.
One day at a time.
One moment at a time.
Find your peace.
Find your balance.
Find your strength.
You are capable of more than you know.
❤️🩹
.
.
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Memories come up from times when life felt so close to the edge.
Life seemed like something so close to the end.
A mind so cluttered, so filled with fear.
A body so riddled with substances and unbalanced from the chase of night and day.
Thoughts fading away, worries taking over, friends with two faces taking up too much space.
There were times of silence towards the ones who were closest.
There were moments of sadness that lasted for days.
Yet, beyond the darkness, through the silence, there still seemed to be some light.
Falling away…
Falling under…
Never too deep, but just deep enough.
Finally one day, tired of suffering…
A reach up, a crawl, a walk and a run, back to life.
Back to peace.
Yet, never truly to feel without the darkness.
A darkness that had the deep calls for the ending.
Though, the darkness is not meant to call upon us all.
Some must just taste it, to see why we must turn away.
Back to the light.
In the light we must stay, but never to forget the bite of darkness that will never fully go away.
I almost backed out.
I almost gave up.
This quarter was really tough, in so many ways.
I’m so glad I didn’t give up.
I’m so glad I believed in myself and had a supportive group of people to help me get through.
There were some really dark days that I didn’t think I would survive.
There were some days that I felt would be my last.
But there was more reason to keep going than to let it be the end.
When we are faced with challenges, it can be extremely hard to fight through them to see the light.
Always find a reason to continue to push to see the light.
Life is worth living, even on the darkest and most painful day.
It is always worth living.
There is so much more beauty to see and experience beyond the challenges that seem to big to see beyond.
Everything is temporary.
Just keep going.
Everyday we face challenges.
Everyday we are shown that we must choose.
Distractions or facing the truth.
You know what you need to do in order to be okay.
Trust yourself.
Explore the world.
Explore yourself.
Do all the exploring.
For life is but a collection of moments, and
When you see how quickly time passes by,
You will wish you had spent more time exploring and enjoying all the beauties within this life.
You are worth the time.
⛴️
Not everyday is easy.
Just take it one action step at a time.
Make time to rest.
Take a moment to look at how far you’ve come.
———
Success is not always a financial reward.
Success is not giving up, and continuing to push even when you feel you are not good enough.
Remember you are good enough.
You are more than good enough.
Each day you get out of bed and keep pushing, you are showing up for your dreams and your goals.
Keep believing in yourself.
You matter.
💜
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