Remembering back to when she was younger and thinking, “if only I could have valued myself more, if only I could have treated myself better.”
Time goes on with each click of the second hand.
The sun sets and rises, and she continues to find her way.
Still learning, still growing, yet now looking a little different and feeling a bit more further away from who she once was, yet still always the same.
Feeling the storms of my emotions, while getting my picture taken, not knowing what would come after.
Already working on dealing with so much trauma, and trying to survive, trying to keep my kids safe, though, it felt like there was danger coming.
Feelings erupting inside of me.
Feeling in a place of uncertainty, just as we tend to be, when in the middle of a storm.
After this shoot, I went for my daily walk and found my daughter was missing.
She was not where she was supposed to be, and when she knew I knew, she made it so I couldn’t call or text her.
It was a long weekend, trying to find her and get her home.
These are not stories I typically share on here, due to not wanting to over share, but sometimes I just need to release, for the healing, and to maybe help someone else.
Twenty six hours of not knowing where my daughter was, or if she would come home.
Twenty six hours of being in panic for her life and her wellbeing.
She finally returned home, and she was safe.
One more scar on my heart.
One more memory to remember how much I love her.
One more reason to show her more sensitivity and compassion.
This shoot really ended up representing more than Marina Shipova or I could have even imagined.
Writing in my journal, responding to text messages, going over conversations from recent exchanges, I notice certain things I’d like to start paying more attention to. One thing is the stories I keep retelling, and how I communicate, in general.
A perspective, a point of view, an opinion… Each one very important, yet also, at times, not fully thought through, in a way to convey clearly, or fully, or maybe even appropriately.
We put so much energy into things. Yet, are these things that are worthwhile of so much of our energy? Are we really being true to ourselves or are we saying things we think other people may expect for us to say or want us to say?
What is it that we are seeking out of life? And how to our words and thoughts reflect those goals?
For as long as she could remember, she knew there would be something special for her…
For as long as she could remember, she knew she could never give up on believing in herself….
As the years went by, she continued to fall and then crawl through life’s challenges,
Until one day she remembered she could walk.
Then she quickly started to run.
She began sprinting, jumping and then finally she flew.
When she discovered her wings, she learned to float over those who didn’t believe in her or see her for who she was.
She didn’t worry about being alone, for she was always surrounded by so many who saw her for who she was and loved her no matter what, even through months and years of silence.
Whooshing through trees, flying beside mountain tops, she soared high above the clouds.
She flew up to the stars and zoomed back down, reaching the oceans and diving in like a sea creature, moving through the waters with great force.
Back to the surface, letting the air dry her off, she would then find a safe place to land.
Not for long though, as she found her place to be in the sky.
She knew she wasn’t like many others.
She knew she was made differently and created on purpose, for a purpose that was all her own.
Only she could know what that was, and what she was here for.
Though all the pieces may not make sense to others, she knew each one was meant for her, even the pieces that didn’t fit into the whole picture.
One day, maybe far off down the road, she would tell her story.
But for now, she will just continue to fly, soaring on her own, gliding from tree to tree, taking breaks on the mountain tops…
Solitude, this is her happy place.
At last, she knew, her purpose was there all along.
Healing Creations PNW 