Remembering back to when she was younger and thinking, “if only I could have valued myself more, if only I could have treated myself better.”
Time goes on with each click of the second hand.
The sun sets and rises, and she continues to find her way.
Still learning, still growing, yet now looking a little different and feeling a bit more further away from who she once was, yet still always the same.
Feeling the storms of my emotions, while getting my picture taken, not knowing what would come after.
Already working on dealing with so much trauma, and trying to survive, trying to keep my kids safe, though, it felt like there was danger coming.
Feelings erupting inside of me.
Feeling in a place of uncertainty, just as we tend to be, when in the middle of a storm.
After this shoot, I went for my daily walk and found my daughter was missing.
She was not where she was supposed to be, and when she knew I knew, she made it so I couldn’t call or text her.
It was a long weekend, trying to find her and get her home.
These are not stories I typically share on here, due to not wanting to over share, but sometimes I just need to release, for the healing, and to maybe help someone else.
Twenty six hours of not knowing where my daughter was, or if she would come home.
Twenty six hours of being in panic for her life and her wellbeing.
She finally returned home, and she was safe.
One more scar on my heart.
One more memory to remember how much I love her.
One more reason to show her more sensitivity and compassion.
This shoot really ended up representing more than Marina Shipova or I could have even imagined.
Writing in my journal, responding to text messages, going over conversations from recent exchanges, I notice certain things I’d like to start paying more attention to. One thing is the stories I keep retelling, and how I communicate, in general.
A perspective, a point of view, an opinion… Each one very important, yet also, at times, not fully thought through, in a way to convey clearly, or fully, or maybe even appropriately.
We put so much energy into things. Yet, are these things that are worthwhile of so much of our energy? Are we really being true to ourselves or are we saying things we think other people may expect for us to say or want us to say?
What is it that we are seeking out of life? And how to our words and thoughts reflect those goals?
Healing Creations PNW 